A Review of Danica Patrick's Guest Spot on CSI:NY (and the show, too!)

Before I start, let me tell you I don't watch this show. I saw 10 minutes of the original CSI about a zillion years ago but for the sake of this website and my wonderful co-writers, I am going to sit through this episode to let all of you readers know what happened on this heavily publicized episode of CSI: NY. What I mean by all of that is this may not be the best review in the world. Although I'm more excited about Antonio Sabato Jr. (hello – hottie central!), I know NASCAR/IRL/GoDaddy ad fans were more excited for Danica's appearance. And on that note, I will hit play on my DVR.

The show opens with 2 cars racing on the streets of Manhattan with Danica's face on the screen right off the bat. Her character, Liza, is losing but then hits a turbo button and zooms by her competitor, Davi Santos (Sabato, Jr.). He won't lay off her and is going for the win. While they pit, Davi's owner and crew chief tell him to calm down – but he isn't having any of it. He pulls up next to Eliza and glares at her, taking off first from pit road. He hits his turbo button and his car crashes into the wall and bursts into flames – as does he. Liza looks on in terror from pit road (she hadn't left yet). Davi is put out quickly but the crash is considered a crime scene, so the CSI guys are on the case. Davi is in critical condition with the outlook bleak. The night before the race, he received a threatening note telling him he would die if he raced but he still raced. While the opening credits roll (good music by the way!), I should note neither Danica or Antonio are given credit for their roles on the show's IMDB page but their names flash across the screen quickly.

Det. Taylor asks the owner if he had any idea who has been writing the notes and what happened at the exhibition. A race – the New York 400 – is coming up but it's on hold (so says the CSI, but how about the fact that the driver is in the ICU? Hello...). Davi's crew chief is interviewed and said because Davi was so aggressive and always won he had a lot of enemies. The CSI team wants to investigate the car but the team owns the right to the car so no one can know what's under the hood, etc. (were they looking at Chad Knaus' notebook? Hehe). They make a deal with the team to take the car to the shop and take pictures of the car there. Detective Monroe, a female detective hanging with the boys in the shop, says stock cars are better than IRL cars. WOOT FOR HER! In order to figure out what happened, they have to put the burned car back together. The mayor says the race has to happen no matter what, but um, hello, Santos is in surgery and on death's door step. You can't have a race without a driver. A handwriting analysis shows nothing unique except the handwriting matches. Then a match comes up for a threat letter that was sent to a congressman and Santos' sponsor by a political science professor. The professor starts going off about his brother being killed by a drunk driver who was coming home from a race sponsored by Santos' sponsor. He swears he's not the guy but he did send the original threats to congress and the company, but not to Santos. Back at the shop, the guys are putting together the burned car piece by piece. It's very realistic – if the car weren't burned and there wasn't music bumping in the back, it almost feels like SPEED TV. After everything is put together, they figure out someone tampered with the fuel line and there is also an extra wire, making the car itself a ticking time bomb. And the person who did it left behind a finger print. By the way, Danica has been in the show for an entire 15 seconds so far.

The test driver is interviewed and says the fuel line was perfect after his inspection of the car before the race, done 7 hours before the race. With Davi out of the picture, he is now the team's new racer. HA! The CSI guys are discussing where the drivers go to the bathroom during the race. That's funny. They investigate the hauler, where the car was kept between the inspection and the race and find signs of forced entry – and part of a jacket (of course...). Nothing was taken as all the tools are still there. They are going to test all of them to see which one was used to tamper with the line. Danica finally shows up on screen as Liza, in the form of a previous interview (oh and fake GoDaddy-like ads!) telling the story of her rivalry with Davi. He crashed her two years prior, nearly killing her and this NY exhibition race was the first one back. In her interview, she promised to get revenge on Santos. The evidence the CSI guys got shows Liza was in the hauler. She admits to going in the hauler, but only to see what was under his hood. She took photos to see what she was up against. She gladly hands over her camera. Her story seems to be legit (and, I admit, Danica is a decent actress...at least she has something to fall back on, right?). Det. Taylor talks about his days in racing, and how he had a love for speed and wanting to be Steve McQueen. He says it doesn't seem so innocent anymore. Boy, these writers might not have the best scripts, but they sure have done their racing research! Santos finally wakes up and when they go to interview him, he flatlines. Tonya (his wife) is with him and his crew chief says she's been with him the whole time. She remarks, as they are trying to revive him “this day has been long overdue” as his CC says “this can't be happening.” That's just plain weird and suspicious. I call Tonya as the killer.

Oh look, a GoDaddy commercial. SURPRISE.

Tonya is being interviewed and says his murder is poetic justice because dying is the only way he would have retired. They flashback to a conversation of the two of them talking about how he promised to retire the year before but he wanted to prove he could still drive, despite what everyone was saying. Liza's pictures show no tampering with the fuel line, still leaving 4 hours before the tampering. But her pictures do show a generator that wasn't in the original specs of the car. Det. Taylor is at the autopsy of Santos and knows everything single injury he has (ok, we get it, you're a fan...). His body shows a 2nd degree burn on his back that went through his firesuit. He was also filled with all types of painkillers, which is why he hasn't been on his game over the past few years. The generator that was put in was to turbo the car but it wasn't wired properly. It was wired to short-circuit...the more Santos pushed it, the more sparks would fly and ultimately blow up. Video surveillance from the hotel where the team is staying shows Santos' crew chief and wife having an affair as well as him disappearing for an hour in the four-hour time frame they are looking at for the car-tampering.

The wife and the CC are interviewed and they flashback to their conversation in the hotel room (“Isn't a crew chief supposed to protect their driver?” Good job on that one...). The CC admits to rigging the engine to make him lose the race so he would take a look at his career. It was just supposed to short circuit and have a few sparks. He swears what he did to the engine didn't cause the explosion. As a crew chief, he knows a lot about cars. As the CSI guys finish up the interviews, the forensic guy comes back with the tool match – and a fingerprint – to the owner of the team. Well I didn't see that one coming, did you? He wanted Santos to retire and he wouldn't so he took things into his own hands. “Life without racing is worse than death for guys like us.” Well that's a bit intense – yet somewhat anti-climactic. To end the episode, Danica has to make an appearance, as Liza treats the CSI team to a little racing. Det. Taylor flashes back to his days in the soap box car and Liza waves the green flag.

And thus endeth the Danica Patrick CSI: NY episode. Did you watch? Did you enjoy it? Did you feel it was true to racing?


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